The Elephant's Room: love

Showing posts with label love. Show all posts

Saturday, August 27, 2011

I wish

that there was a way for me to put myself in your dreams.
That way I can tell you that I miss you, even when you are asleep and we can't talk.

Friday, August 5, 2011

I am a ghost

and if it were to be told where I've been, you'd find yourself surprised.

I hide myself well.

I make it seem that I was never there.

Because I am most often a secret.

Now Playing: Caesura - Helios

Thursday, July 28, 2011

I am comfortable

with where I sit at this moment.

Confusing the lightning bugs with the stars.

Looking up from my place in the grass.

I feel you with me.

Your voice in the crickets' chirp.

I am alright.

Now Playing: Parrot Flies - Algernon Cadwallader.

Saturday, March 5, 2011

I would wake up

in the pouring rain every day for the rest of my life if just to bring you back.

I wasn't ready for this.

To everyone who said God took you and that was okay, then fuck them. I needed you more than he ever will.

I owe you for more things than anyone could count.

I wanted to repay you, I swore I'd be something and come back to take care of you.

For the last three days I've been screaming "fuck you" at the sky, sobbing into the grass, throwing fits and tantrums like the baby I feel that I am without you.

I hate every single person at that funeral home who wasn't on the floor in a heap with me.

Preacher man says, "This is just a test from God, Samantha." Yeah? Well fuck you, I'd repeat the second grade as long as I live if it meant I got to have her with me.

People talk about the day they found God, I'll talk about the day I lost faith in everything.

Now Playing; Hospice - The Antlers

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Oh, here

we fucking go.

There is apparently nothing that can stop me from thinking about you.

I can lay with everyone else, but yours is the only chest I can fall asleep on.

I don't want to be so far away.

I don't want to be so attached.

But I am.

I fall in love far too quickly, I am reminded why I don't do this.

Monday, January 10, 2011

I don't give a damn

'bout my bad reputation.

I like me, and I will do what I please. If that means living in a socially unacceptable way, then be rejected I will.

I am happy.

Love me or leave me, I'm done with whatever is in between.

Monday, January 3, 2011

left that can surprise me.
I grow and I wilt and I lose ground and continue to grow.
I am happy and I am sad and I break down and I find a way to be happy again. Repeat. Repeat.

I am learning to be okay with myself as a party of one. I'm getting better at being alone.
I eat alone, I sleep alone, I sing alone, I love alone.
This is alright with me.
There is a certain beauty that comes with the introspection available to only the loner. There is a beauty in the sadness, and I believe that the number one is gorgeous. I look differently upon everything, having to accomplish it by myself. I'm confident that I will someday find the compliment to my being, but I am no longer giving in to my whims to search them out.
I could be with anyone, my personality can easily flex and bend enough to fit them.
I could be anyone, I could love anyone.

Now Playing: Daytrotter Session, 1.3.11 - MGMT

Friday, December 31, 2010

In retrospect,

I don't know what to say about the last year of my life.
For the last eighteen years, I have never had a single regret, and this year is no different. There are things that I wish could have been done differently, but I do not regret anything that has happened. I know that someday it will all be brighter.
What a year it has been, and though I still don't know who I am, I have a little better understanding of who I'm not. That's how it will always be, I think. Never knowing who I'm supposed to be, but slowly narrowing down who I am certainly not destined to become.
Over the last 365 days, I have been more in love with the world than ever before, and been more disgusted with the world than ever before. I have been so in love, and then fallen out of love. I have moved away, gone to school, failed at things, succeeded at things. I lost so many friends, and made new ones to fill those spots. I have been on an airplane, I have seen Chicago, been to Lollapalooza, I have run away from home, I have been kicked out of my home. I have cut my hair, I have gotten tattoos, I have changed my outlook on life. I still don't know what I want to do. I have lived in so many places, but I haven't even lived.
My life has so much more to offer me, and here's to hoping a new year will mean a new life.
I want another chance at things that I have ruined.

My resolution: I will love and be loved.
Now playing: To the Beat of a Dead Horse... - Touche Amore

Thursday, December 30, 2010

We only accept

the love we believe we deserve.

Johnny told me that. Nobody can ever understand how happy I am to know where he is, and have him back in my life again. It took a total of ten minutes for him to say things that made me feel better about where I am in life, and now I feel that things will be okay sometime.

In other news, I got a new tattoo yesterday.
It's a tree. Its location is my right leg. It's beautiful and I love it.

In other other news, tomorrow is New Years Eve. I will be doing absolutely nothing, because I get the pleasure of waking up at 4 a.m. to serve doughnuts and coffee to all you folks with a hangover. This will be another one of my countless New Years' spent alone. If someone would like to sneak into my house at midnight and kiss me while I sleep, that would be alright.

I am working to accept the love I believe I deserve.
Now Playing: In Rainbows - Radiohead

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