far too long since I've written anything.
But this week has been nothing but awful, and I can't feel anything anymore.
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Saturday, March 5, 2011
I would wake up
in the pouring rain every day for the rest of my life if just to bring you back.
I wasn't ready for this.
To everyone who said God took you and that was okay, then fuck them. I needed you more than he ever will.
I owe you for more things than anyone could count.
I wanted to repay you, I swore I'd be something and come back to take care of you.
For the last three days I've been screaming "fuck you" at the sky, sobbing into the grass, throwing fits and tantrums like the baby I feel that I am without you.
I hate every single person at that funeral home who wasn't on the floor in a heap with me.
Preacher man says, "This is just a test from God, Samantha." Yeah? Well fuck you, I'd repeat the second grade as long as I live if it meant I got to have her with me.
People talk about the day they found God, I'll talk about the day I lost faith in everything.
Now Playing; Hospice - The Antlers
This place
is godless, ghost infested. It's a fucking devil town if I've ever seen one. The people here walk around as if sunlight means nothing to them, like they don't believe in it, like they don't understand that without it they wouldn't exist. It's the most basic form being taken for granted, and if they cannot appreciate this, then they cannot appreciate anything. Yet they can treat some other being as their sun. A revolution of their emotion around something so unstable as another's emotion. But we do not see the sun. "Your heart is what makes mine beat," what a sick and terrifying proposition that we have put forth here. That does not exist, love does not exist for every reason that humanity does not exist. Ask people why they are alive and you will find a multitude of pseudo-meaningful excuses, every one of which at their core are based in water all of three inches deep. We are all so fucking shallow. We are shells of what was intended and then lost when the sun was forgotten.
Now Playing: Makers - Rocky Votolato
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