The Elephant's Room

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Tomorrrow should be

fun, I'm going to go get my hair chopped off.

Truth is: I'm scared that it will get fucked up, and I'll look like a boiy.

Admission: I'm going to feel so guilty spending thirty dollars on it.

Fact: I am going to overdraw my bank account for one day, in order to get it cut. I don't get paid until Friday, but I just can't wait any longer.

I"m angry that the piercing place told me it would be an extra twenty dollars to pierce my septum because it has been done once, and they'd be going through scar tissue, or some cop out excuse for more money.

This makes me think that even though I know it's not safe for me to do it myself again, I'm going to anyway, because there is no way I'm spending sixty dollars to get my nose pierced again.

If anyone wants to do it for me and has some kind of idea of the right way, I'll be more than glad to let you do it. Same thing goes for my haircut.

In other news: I'm so overwhelmed with everything. I have final exams to study for, I have my final sculpture project to even start still, there are four Fine Arts critiques I haven't written, I need to find a place to live next year, and I do believe a certain Mr. Johi is staying with me this weekend. So little time, so much to do.

For now though, I'm going to sleep, and I don't have to be awake tomorrow until I want to be.

Goodnight moon.

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

I have not showered

in three days, and I've been wearing the same pair of leggings for a week.

Where did I lose control?

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

HEYBUYASHIRT

'CAUSE I'M POOR.

And cause they're really awesome, and look like this:

The one I'm sporting is a portrait of my dear Elliott Smith, but if you're not down with that, have no fear.

I can put anyone on yer shirt, in any color, as big or small as your lookin' to wear.

Here are a few important notes on these rags:

-$10 if you don't give me a shirt to draw on.

-$5 if you get me a specific shirt.

-So far, they've all been done in fabric marker, which easily withstands a washing machine, so don't fret.

-I'm experimenting with spraypaint and stencils, those will be around soon.

-All I need from you is money and an idea. If it's not a well-known person, I'll need a picture for reference as well.

Want one of these bad boys? interwebmailmachine: samritzer@gmail.com

Fuck the sun,

we're tossed into the sea.

I'd rather live in days too dark than see you again.

I would be the one you'd never lay next to.

Silent.

Our dreams are lost and beautiful.

Miles from anywhere we can distinguish.

How many necks will you break to get back home?

"Enough," you said.

This is where I walk away.

The only appealing thing about winter is that I can write again. It's going to be a rough one.

Now playing: What Counts EP - Have Heart

Monday, December 6, 2010

Counting down

to so many things.

This is more for me than for anyone who reads this. Does anyone even read this? Whatev, yo.

1 day until my thesis paper is due.

4 days until my last sociology quiz.

4 days until I get paid.

4 days until my thesis paper conference.

4 days until my last math test.

5 days until my haircut.

8 days until my health final.

11 days until my math final.

11 days until my sociology final.

11 days until I am home.

Saturday, December 4, 2010

As you throw away

the love that we made.

I know, I know nothing is gonna change that.

Nothing is going to change that hopeless feeling I get when you say you understand, and I know you can't.

Does it give you satisfaction?

I know it does. I get the feeling that you're happy watching me be unhappy.

It was always the exact opposite for all that time, you were always the one sad about where we stood. Now that you have the chance to say no, and you have other people to support you, it's easy to say that you're done.

I'm sorry that I'm not speaking to you. I can't reach out any more than I already have.

This is where everything new starts.

I will be happy again.

I have an appointment to get a haircut on Friday, and that will be the first time my kaleidoscope has moved in months. Anyone who knows me would know how important this is.

I have a kaleidoscope personality and for a while it has been stuck in the same stupid pattern, I'm brushing off the dust and making moves again.

Now Playing: Blue Sky Noise (Safe Camp Acoustic Sessions), Circa Survive

Friday, December 3, 2010

Not one of you

will ever be able to understand how broken my heart is.

In the course of my eighteen years, I've lost buttons from my jacket, my favorite hat, an elephant beanie baby, Sydnee's Circa Survive cd, plenty more cd's that were mine, my driver's license, numerous pairs of sunglasses, lens covers, a soccer ball or two, sweatshirts, car keys, money, a cell phone, a debit card, packs of cigarettes, chapstick, a retainer, my cat's collar, a dog, three fish, a mouse, my favorite cup, so many socks, a show ticket signed by all of We Were Promised Jetpacks, passwords, photographs, toys, sheet music, homework, time, and morals.

nowi'velosthope.

Now Playing: [A-->B] Life, mewithoutYou